I felt the love people! Thanks for the emails and calls!
I spoke to Amari's father last week and while the situation will remain the same. It appears and I'm hopeful that the blatant disrespect will not.
It was a 45 minute sprint to try and get all the issues on the table that caused him to do the old "I'm not gonna call" routine. That's what I found so crazy! By the time we are out of high school we know that we need to let a person know if we're going to be late/noshow whatever so I knew it had to be some underlying reason...
So key points from the talk
He still resents the fact and can not stand when I "tell" ( I think that's the remnants from our relationship)him to do anything for Amari especially since he never wanted a baby in the first place so a lot of our issues are coming from there.
He still can't get past that he "ruined" his own life. The word is a bit dramatic but you get the point. I told him that he's had a long time to move on. Perhaps he should seek therapy to help him accept the choices that he's made and the consequences of those actions. In other words, MAN UP!
The funny part of the conversartion was how he showed concern for the Amari's wellbeing. He said he wondered what will happen when I got married and he got married. I won't go into details but if the man is not concerned with Amari's wellbeing today why the hell is he wondering about the future. I think its another cop out or excuse to move away from fatherhood or he's self protecting himself agaonst any hurt he may feel if he gets close to Amari.
I have to stop threatening him with exposure because that really upsets him. So no more implied threats. if I really want to do something to hurt him I'll have to follow NIKE's advice and JUST DO IT!
Bottom line: No cut off! Proverbs 3:5
3 comments:
WOW!
Interesting how a part of your convo went. While I do agree that in the end, the man has no control over what a woman decides about having a child, and should, therefore, be a bit more understanding when she decides to go full term and he never wanted to; I do understand that in the end, when the child is her, you have to Man Up...no matter what.
Previously I mentioned to you that a mother has 9 months to adjust to the reality of having a child. The father? Well that depends on whether or not he's involved. Doesn't matter whether its a self-imposed exclusion or not.
However, considering Amari's age, there's been quite a bit of time to deal with this issue and move on.
Don't deal with promises; actions speak volumes. Don't deal in the future; the here and now is what's important.
Its ironic, but one thing I've never said about my sons is that they've ruined my life. A child is a blessing, whether the situation was agreed to or not. A blessing, a gift from God can never ruin your life. However, there may be an important lesson that was to be learned from this situation; if it wasn't learned, you're destined to repeat it. Willingly or not.
The Universe is very cyclical, we can't escape the return of what we put out there. Here's a Woody Allen quote that may sum up where your relationship is with the father (naturally, this is from his point of view)...
"To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down..."
Need I say more?
It's really too bad that Amari's dad has NO idea what he is missing. It is absolutely amazing to watch and be a part a child growing up.
You are doing an exceptional job raising Amari. Keep up the good work, keep your head up and keep it movin' no matter what his "biological" chooses to do or not do.
In the end, we all know it the "biological's" loss if he doesn't get it together......
PEACE!
I can speak to this, however ???????
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