This weekend I saw the movie "Why Did I Get Married?" and thought it was good. A bit preachy, but good. The part that really effected me was Jill Scott's part. Not the overly manaipulative part (mental abuse) but the part when she spoke about waking up with joy. That is how I feel about A's father. He has stolen a bit of mine. And now I am going to get it back.
Unfortunately, it probably will require more anger and hostility, but if he doesn't want to be a father then I can't make him one. I will continue doing what I have to do and keeping him in the loop but I will no longer expect for him to step up, return my calls, or anything. It will be as he wanted, he's nothing more than another person in A's village and whatever he chooses to do will be blessed by GOD and welcomed by me. It is my hope that removing this negavtivity from my son's life and my own it will allow us to be happier people. A hasn't really bonded with his dad, although I'm sure that would happen if they spent more time together. So, at this young age he won't notice the lost.
Don't get me wrong, he only took a little piece from me, but as my friend GP said, "you've always been a bit self-centered." So I need to make sure all my joy is in me. ;-) I will raise Amari with the esteem and independence that is a hallmark of my family so when he reaches out to his father, as I am sure he will, it will be on his terms and when he's ready to face a man who wasn't ready to face him.
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