Answering the question, "Where is Daddy?"

Actually, this is a question that I cannot answer. I have no idea and he will not call me back when I reach out to him. I knew that one day, I would have to answer that question from my son, just not so soon.

What to do, what to do?

Operation Swimming Lesson: Accomplished

As you know, I have missed the chance to put Amari in swimming lessons for 2 years now. Missed deadlines, registration filled up in 10 seconds, etc. So I  vowed that I would get the boy in swimming class this fall. I’d like to report that mission accomplished. Amari will have two classes this fall, intro to water and then basic swimming skills.  To accomplish this task, I woke up an half hour early, set up the registration so all I would do is push the button and BAM, he’s in.

 

How happy will I be when I won't have to be a wet fish since I can watch from the sidelines and play in the water because I want to and not because I have to.

 

AND YES, for those that want to give me a lecture on water safety. I know this doesn't mean I can leave my child in the water while I sleep!

Tags: swimming lessons,

Hamilton Nichols

So at my friend's "Welcome to the Neighborhood" party we found out that one of our classmates had committed suicide. I don't know why I feel so awful about this but I do. I didn't know him so it other than it being sad in general, I feel affected by the news.

I can't remember him at all, not one memory. And while I don't profess to know everyone at Hampton at the time I was there, it was the type of place that you felt you did.

Then we found out that years later that after he pledged Omega, one of his frat brothers told him that he could not wear his paraphenalia anymore. That is one of the craziest things I've ever heard! They said he didn't fit the mold. That had to shake him to his core. It had to hurt him. I mean one day, you are publicly acknowledged as a Que and then the next day its over. I can't imagine how he handled it or who he told.

It just seems like Hamilton had a sad life. And to commit suicide was his way of reaching out. Today, I wish I knew him. At the very least, I hope I said "hello" to him as I walked on campus.

 

There's A Mouse In My House

There's a mouse in my house and we can't find the hole! I called my friend BB to help and he's recommended a exterminator.

This little mouse came to see me three times on Sunday. I threw shoes, pillows and screamed at it but it has pushed me out of the basement. And its so small so BB was laughing at me.

I'm not scared of it, I just I don't want to kill it. I don't want to see it trapped wriggling and jiggling. I just want it out.

So, thanks to President Bush I will use my stimulus check and get an exterminator. And a cat, imagine that!

Tags: Rodents, mice, exterminator

Little s

Well I had a stalker, well as he said a "Little Stalker". Now this entry will be weird. Since on one hand its flattering to have a stalker come out in a tornado just to catch me with another dude. On the other hand, its extremely frightening to have a stalker come out in a tornado just to cath me with another dude.

Here's the other weird part. The reactions from my female and male friends. The ladies, in my opinion, went from stalker to rapist. They were scary in their intensity about this dude and how I should never ever talk to him again. I agree, but not because I think he is dangerous but because I do believe the potential for unneccesary drama is there and only the low self esteem chicks need to go there.

Now, in this society where we are trying to move away from blaming the victim if she happens to get raped my male friends all asked the question,"What did you to him?" At the time, I laughed but later I realized that this is the same mentality of blame the victim. Its as if that because we had a relationship prior and we spoke earlier about my plans for the evening that somehow I was to know he was crazy enough to come that night. What normal person would think that would happen?

 So while, that night has become a bit of a joke. On a serious note, he was the idiot who disrespected me and my friends by showing up after I told him he was uninvited and that I'd diss him if he did. And that has nothing to do with me.

 

Tags: stalker, mars, venus, men, women

Forgot the Biggest Change

Amari started Montessorri school a couple of months ago. So that is the biggest change in our lives right now. Its 180 degree difference from day care so his adjustment period is about 30 days.

First, I found out that he was falling asleep in class. Is that crazy or what? So we moved him to the P.M class since my son needs his 1 hour nap everyday. ( is he a Sanders or what?) So this is working out much better.

I had my first observation on Friday and was amazed by how the children went from actvivity to activity. One child sat and colored the map of Africa until it was finished. Another child used beads ( which I am sure came from using the Abacus) to do his math. Other children were doing a variety of different things. They would finish one activity and go to another. And it was quiet, very quiet!

Amari of course did four activities, none of which he completed, but that was for my benefit. Each time he went to get another one, he stopped by my chair to let me know what he was working on. He was so proud. And so was I as I looked at my budding scholar!

Even though he tells me everyday that he doesn't want to go to school I can tell I made the right decision. He has learned all the phonectical sounds of the alphabet and has sounded out his first word, CAT. He is learning the concept of counting in place of memorization. And he's made new friends. ( They are just too cute with their uniforms on!)

 

 

Tags: Montessori,

My Friend Who Did it for Herself, An Inspiration

From one of my sisters in the Single Mom, in this case Dad, Sisterhood!

 

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I printed off your journal entries and I’m going 2 read them later, BUT I did read the very first one about the fact that u r going 2 keep on trying 2 get amari’s dad 2 be a dad – DON’T ( I don’t know if u stopped or not). C, his father and I were together 4 5 years b4 I got pregnant, this was not planned at all – I found out when I was 3 months pregnant because I had broke my ankle. Long story short we stayed together 4 6 months after he was born, he put his hands on me, my brother handled that situation. He saw C. every blue moon,. My parents MADE me file 4 child support when I had him and I didn’t want 2 because we were together glad I did.

 

Anyhoo, he stopped seeing him except 4 b-days and xmas, well I gave him the opportunity 2 pay child support or see his son (it was not about the money), he choose child support. I never ever talked bad about him 2 our child, most importantly I never forced him or kept trying 2 get him 2 spend time w/his child because I knew that it would cause resentment toward our child, etc. when chaz was old enough I told him about the fight and I also told him that when he was old enough that it would be HIS CHOICE if he wanted his father in his life or not and whatever decision he made it was his. He chooses not 2 have his father in his life, and that is his father’s loss.

 

His father had a daughter and I could not understand how his daughters mother would have a kid by someone that she lived w/and new how he treated his 1st born, she and I are very very good friends and we have made sure that my son and his sister have spent time together. But she MAKES him see there daughter, he does not pay child support, he used 2 have 2 pick her up from school every day and keep her every other weekend – he resents it!

 

Please 4 your child’s sake don’t try 2 force his father 2 spend time with him, all u can do is tell amari about his dad and never speak bad about him and let AMARI make that decision.

 

I raised my son by myself, I took him to boy scouts (I was the only mom camping), karate, taught him how 2 play basketball, football, baseball, took him 2 the all of his games, helped him w/his homework, took care of him in the middle of the night, took off from work, went 2 bat 4 him when needed, etc. I’m the 1 that he has always come 2 w/female problems, etc. not his father (noticed I said father).  I;m the one that let him make that decision! I raised him the best way that I know how – my son was an honor role students, has received several academic awards, has had 2 poems published in magazines and all of that was done because I did not let the fact that his father was not active in his life hamper him from doing anything he wanted 2. I sacrificed – that is a decision that u made (2 sacrifice) when u had amari knowing that he did not want a child. Make the best of it and be glad that  he is here, he is defeintely here 4 a reason and things r the way they r 4 a reason whether u know what it is or not.

 

My son used 2 celebrate father’s day w/me.  Like I said I don’t know if u stopped trying 2 get him 2 be active or not but if u have not then please stop, because 1 u r doing nothing but hurting yourself and u might end up making that relationship w/amari and his dad bad in the long run, and u probably got him thinking that it is about u and not your son.

 

Neither one of us r the first 2 not have their babies daddy in their lives. Believe me it is not worth the agony!

Ultimatum

My daddy told me a long time ago to never issue an ultimatum to a man. So I haven't. So why is that I get them all the time.

The last one was over birth control and who should be responsible. Here's my thoughts, if the man really doesn't want to father a child then he should safeguard himself by always using a condom and/or get a vasectomy.

If a woman doesn't want a child she should get on birth control and use a condom. Me, I use a condom to protect myself from pregnancy and more importantly to protect myself from the dreaded STDs.

I am a child of the 80's and lived in NYC so I saw the effects of AIDS and met people who later died from the disease. So for me, a condom isn't optional its a must. And I don't tell  my lover that I am on BC because I never want him to feel comfortable trying that one time to slip it in.

So imagine my ex's surprise when he told me to get on BC or else. I told him I respected his choices but I'd have to take the else. A child I could live with if I had to make that choice again ( although one that I could adopt is my the other option) but a STD for life, well that's a no no.

 

Tags: STDs. Choice, Birth Control; Ultimatums

And Almost Six Months Later

Ok, its a been a long time since I've blogged so let me explain. My plan was to spend these last months exacting revenge on Amari's father. It didn't happen thanks to JD, BB, my sisters AH and AH and many others who basically told/lectured/insulted me that Karma would even things out. So I decided to chill. Plus, with my new job I really didn't have time. So as GOD has intervened in my life before he has done it again. So I hope Amari's father appreciates what my friends have done for him.

I just want to go on the record, that I had no clear plans for it just some mischievous actions that would have made me laugh to see him wriggle a bit.

Anyway, so that's over so I am releasing the blog for public consumption! here are the highlights from the last few months:

Asked for and received a raise

Made an agreement with Amari's father for child support. He has even volunteered to create a savings plan for Amari)

Met and dumped a man ( everybody knows ULTIMATUMS) aren't cool

Started traveling again. Off to Atlanta for Memorial Day.

All my bills for the last year have been paid on time. I am officially financially responsible so I gotta start being financially savvy. I have a retirement and college to plan for. My credit score is up 25 points from 06.

I was in a hit and run accident so I lost 99 Toyota 4-Runner and now have an 06 4-Runner. The good and the bad or is the other way around. I have a car payment now.

Somebody launched a Hampton Pirate alumni site and I have reconnected with a lot of old friends!

And if you know me, there's all the stories in between.